Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
