Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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