is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
as a side note pls kill me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
