Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'd cum for enchiladas.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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