you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
