i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
