i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
