Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize