I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
