I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize