nut hugger
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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