i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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