The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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