Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
