just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
