What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
