I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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