and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The air was thick with penises
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
