I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
