Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
