2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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