the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
