You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
