Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
