you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
