I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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