i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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