why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
