Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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