True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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