you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
