i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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