...so i touched it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
