i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
