Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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