We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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