these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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