i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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