I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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