Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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