Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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