i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
