It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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