I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize