Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
