you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
