wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
