so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
