So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
