what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
