Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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