it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
