this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
