sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
