I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
