If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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