what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
