I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
