Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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