i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize