You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
