I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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