i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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