i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize