Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
