He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
