Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
