my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
