worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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