i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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