he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
