I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize