my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
