dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
